When the “Mom” role Changes

When “Mom” to your kids as toddlers, preteens, teenagers, changes into the role of moms of college kids etc, and then you get the role of mom of all adult kids, your attitude changes about YOUR life.

You do a lot of soul searching.

You know that you have done a great job with the kids.  Because they have grown up, gone on their way, they are all finally doing something that they want to do and you are extremely proud of them!

You have seen them grow and learn, and you have seen them fall down and skin their knees however, they have learned!

And you have learned, that all this time, they have been teaching you lessons.

They have taught you that no matter how much you are happy for them that they are doing EXACTLY what they want to be doing, you still miss them!

They have taught you that in no uncertain circumstances that they are the best you have ever given to this earth and that God blessed you mercifully with these 4 gifts from Heaven.

They have taught you that no matter what that when you see them doing what ever it is that they do whether it be sing, dance, play a sport, or whatever, there is nothing on this earth, that makes a parent prouder, not matter how many times you see them, or how good or bad they are, because face, they are the best!

They have taught you that no matter how many times  you say “I love you,” you always think it isn’t enough.

And last but not least,  no matter where they go, no matter what they do,  no matter how old they are, you never stop worrying.   Because sometimes, THAT role of Mom will NEVER change.

And so you whisper “I Love You” through the wind, and pray that it touches them and pray that God will keep them safe.

Tis the Season

I am trying so hard to keep a positive attitude, when the devil is ever present trying to bring me down.

I just want to scream “LEAVE ME ALONE” and let me be.  Even to the point where I have questioned, Am I happy where I am at church?  Would I even consider changing churches, but then I remember, It’s not about me, it’s about what can be brought to the plate is ever going to change my attitude or my faith by anyone.

It just seems like EVERY where I turn, someone is saying something hateful or doing something that “I” think hurts my feelings (which that in and above itself is part of the problem.

Because right now, my emotions are right on my fingertips and really just paperthin.  I feel like that *I may be the problem, when I essentially am trying my best to be in the background and do the right thing.  And I trust in God enough that he will guide me into the right thing.  I do NOT want the devil guiding me.  Although, when I look at it, I see that he has been.  And that makes me so incredibly sad and remorseful.

This time of the year is so hard on people emotionally and I so wish I could reach out to everyone and tell them that JESUS SAVES!

The season is so hard.  To the point of those being alone, or those who have family that just argue and fuss and fight or those that have family that are estranged so don’t even see their families, and here I am…

I have a wonderful church family, a wonderful family, and yet I sit inside my perfect (seemingly) little box, and sit and judge… WHO AM I TO JUDGE??

“God please forgive me.  Please let me not stand in judgement of anyone.  I do not know their feelings or emotions or their situations.  Dear God I pray, that you just guide me to say the right thing, and be humbled unto you.  Thank you for my church, my family and for the wonderful friends that I have found in our church.  Thank you for each and every blessing I receive each day, as they are plenty and I am blessed.”

But I hope through my writing, whoever you are, you are reading this because then  God has brought you here for the following statements.

God will be there forever, HE never falters, HE never wavers.  When you find your self away from God.  Take a good hard look at who moved.

It wasn’t God who moved!

You have the opportunity to turn back or even take that first step towards God

Just pray this prayer,

pray it like you mean it,

 

 

then live it like you mean it.

Father, God in heaven, it is written in Your word that if I confess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in my heart that You have raised Him from the dead, I shall be saved.

Therefore, Father, I confess that Jesus Christ is my Lord. I make Him Lord of my life right now.  I believe in my heart that you raised Jesus from the dead.  I renounce my past life with satan and close the door to any of his devices.

I thank You for forgiving me all my sin.  Jesus is my Lord, and I am a new creation.  Old things have passed away. Now all things become new, in Jesus’ name.  Amen.

If you know someone who is alone or even if they have family, PLEASE ask them if they have plans.  What is one more person at your table?  You never know just how that person might be hurting.  Or find a food kitchen you can serve in, or give some toys for Toys for Tots, or your local church for their Angel Tree Ministry or the schools for Coats for Kids

It may make me think long and hard, but when all is said and done, I am a child of God, I believe he is my Savior, he will guide and protect me through anything.  I am not worthy to be called His, however he gave His Son in my place.

 

 

“Positive School”

WOW, two words that put such a spin on a word like therapy.

Most people know that I have been in intensive therapy since April and while I’m phasing out and my last day is December 1st, there are always new things I’m learning.

One of those things was today!  I learned a new way to call it!  ”Positive School”

I LOVE that!  You don’t come there to get therapy.  You go to learn to be positive.  You go to learn ways to put your self-esteem back in order.  You learn the tools not to be aggressive, not to be depressed, not to be angry, but to learn to live life on an even keel as much as you can for as many days as you can!

“Positive School”

I love those two words!

Those are two words that will stay with me long after I leave therapy and long after I’m being “theraperized” as someone else calls it.

It just puts a positive spin on it to begin with.

To go into therapy with those words, how can you NOT learn, how can you NOT take something out of it?

 

Attitude

I have been going to therapy almost 7 mths.  December 1st is my last day.  While it is a celebration to me, it is also a scary thought.  I’m losing my security blanket.  My network of  ”goto” that I have had that I can always know that no matter what is going to be a way of accountability.

I’m not talking about my church because that’s a different kind.  That’s separate from this.

This is the accountability that makes me responsible for my self-esteem daily, makes me understand that I can choose to put up boundaries and it’s okay to say no.  And that’s okay.  Just that’s okay.. No explainations.  Just simple solid boundaries.

Assertiveness, verses Aggressive, and that no matter what I cannot change anyone, I can ONLY change my reaction to them.

And above all, it’s all about attitude, (now this is where the church comes into it)

and today my therapist shared this wonderful message by Rev Charles Swindoll

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes.

LOVE this!!!  Now as, I am processing out of therapy, and realizing that I will no longer have my security net, I have to understand, that I had it all along.  I have Jesus.  I was just looking in the wrong spot.  When I chose to look the right way.  And realize that my attitude needed to change to the realization, that I can do NOTHING without HIM and that my attitude is what is stopping me from seeing HIM.

It’s not Him… I am the one that moves.  He is the constant.  He never falters, never wavers.  It’s me that does.

I am not the constant here.

And in HIM I can change my attitude to become faithful and become more constant in choosing to start each day with my eyes on Him and then walk each minute  of every day with HIM

If Nothing Else These Kids Keep Me Hopping

Okay,we went to Jewel’s T-ball game and of course with this crew there is ALWAYS and adventure, and tonight was not a diappointment!

this one was hilarious (after the fact) to everyone but Courtney I think LOL ~ she has forgiven me and hugged me goodnight

I have these water bottles that I keep in my freezer that have pop top lids and I keep them half full of water to freeze, and pull them out every time we go somewhere fill them up with water, they have the kids names on them, and have warned the kids 100 times about using their teeth to open them

Well it finally happened tonight. Apparently Courtney (oldest) had a tooth ready to come out.
Right as the game was ending, she’s talking, and pulling on the jug with her teeth, and I’m telling her for the millionth time to quit, and bam, the jug comes out, she gets this awful look on her face, her hands go up to her mouth, (she has bug spray all over her) and then she gets this even more awful look on her face
and starts freaking out.
I still am not 100% sure what’s going on yet, because I’m still telling her, to quit using her teeth. she starts rolling big ole crocodile tears down her face and spitting, then I see blood and she’s shaking horrible, and then I’m beginning to freak a bit, until I see what she’s talking about, and all I’m worried about is the gaping whole in her mouth with blood and the bug spray on her hand, and all she’s worried about is the tooth and the blood
she won’t calm down and quit putting her hands in her mouth and I can’t get her hands out of her mouth to calm her down so my sister finally realizes I need her help and steps in and gets the baby, cause I’m juggling him on one arm at the time.
Natalie is just staring at all of this (this is really just seconds really) but I’m trying not to laugh at miss drama queen and I can’t help it and at some point I start and that makes her worse with the crying and of course by then, all my kids are there, (even the ones that were playing baseball ~ thank you coaches LOL)
so I get on the phone, call her mom, (the tooth is still in at this point, and tell her to be ready) my sister, who is there with her 90 year old ex FIL also helps me get everything ready and we rush all the kiddos and stuff to the car, and get em all in the car. We get buckled….

Courtney, Calmly says… Hey memaw… here it is and holds up the newly fresh tooth that just fell out in her hand…. ((((((((memaw calmly says COURTNEY, put your tongue in the hole NOT your finger as I saw it headed to her mouth and hold the tooth and we will go straight home))))))))))))

It’s ever an adventure with these 5…

NOW, I’m going to get all the bug spray off of me, because I have laughed so hard I have bug spray in MY mouth LOL

But Jewel did not win or lose the game, they do not play to win or lose, I sat out in 90 degree, bug infested heat with a stinky creek beside it for them to play a team for them to be told they BOTH WON??????

Turning 8 ~ and growing up!

My beautiful oldest granddaughter, recently turned 8..  When I was lucky enough for her to enter my life, she was 2 1/2 and just as beautiful as can be

 

Courtney

 

 

       

 

Now she is 8 years old!! She had her birthday part a while back, and I’m lax in getting it posted (shame on me).  But she had a family bd party, then two of her friends and her had a “spa” sleepover!  I’m not sure what all went on, but I saw some really pretty nails!!

Courtney is my gem!  She is so smart!  I could listen to her read all day long!  She is reading on a 5th grade level and she’s just good!!  I love to get her to read to me!!  She has fantastic grades, her report card is always high A’s! 

I am just so incredibly proud of her!  

My little girl is growing up.  And while she won’t be that “little girl” for long, she will always be that little girl in that halloween costume when I first met her!

Courtney you are such a wonderful granddaughter and it is a pleasure to be in your life!  I’m glad Brian picked your mom, so that you could be a part of our life!  You have blessed me with your smiles, your excitement over things, your intelligence, your beauty and you just being you!  I’m honored to be your memaw and love you so very much.

Your entrance into our family has made my life so peaceful in so many ways you will never imagine.  I never dreamed that I could love someone as much as I loved my own kids.  And then you came along, and while you have this huge family that is your real family, and what kid can be so blessed to have so many grandparents!!, you have just made my life better from the day you entered it.

I look forward to Wednesdays and the Sundays you are home, I can’t wait to see you cheer and whatever else comes your way, I hope you always know that no matter what, I will always be there to cheer you on and I will always love you and be here for you!!

Courtney, remember always, that God is always with you, that he is watching over you and that he will protect you from the bad things, and guide you through life, but you have to always keep your eyes on him!

As you grow a little older and go into those preteen and then on into the teenage years, I hope you can remember the basic foundations that you are learning in Sunday School and Awana.  

Okay, enough of the sappy stuff.  Now, I can’t wait till vacation this summer!  I’ve seen you go from that little girl who would get on the slide to one that’s not afraid to do anything at the waterpark, and I can’t wait to see what happens this summer!!  Vacations are a blast with you!  I love your imagination, you willingness and your sweet spirit!

I love you with all my heart, and while this is late, Happy 8th Birthday Courtney!  

I love you bunches,

Memaw!

 

Courtney

 

 

 

 

 

 

Turning 78! Happy Birthday Dad!

We had my dad’s 78 birthday party today and while he is failing and his health is getting the best of him, he’s so awesome!!!  I love my dad!!  He is the best!!  He’s funny, he’s amazing, and in spite of the life that has been dealt him, he’s still hitting it in stride. 

Dad still gets up everyday, goes in to eat breakfast, still works on the farm. 

Still putters around working on things, and fixing things.  I hope he never stops!  I’m selfish…

I know the day is coming and I know that my dad is in poor health.  He’s on oxygen almost constantly.  He has End Stage Emphysema and is getting little bugs more and more as the days go by, but still he doesn’t stop.

Dad has lived a pretty amazing and difficult life when you look at it.  At 31, he was in a car wreck, that not only crushed him, but took the life of his only son, he lived for months in a body cast.  Left crippled and would never work in an organized job again due to this injury.  However, he had some amazing friends and family.  While this happened.  Our friends and family, it was August when it happened, and harvest time, took over daddy’s farm, got all the crop in, on time, got everything to market, made sure that all the crops were canned, and put up.    Yep, that’s just amazing that, they left their families, during such a hard time anyway, (1964) and did so much for our family, because we couldn’t.  

Then Dad literally had a life changing career, and had to farm, a very hard life, dusk to dawn, depending on rain, winters, heat, cold, literally, mom would pray to God daily for the gift of God’s weather, to see us through each summer, and each winter, and no matter what happened, mom and dad, got us through.  I don’t know how they did it, but they did it.  We never wanted for anything.  

They saw us through band, through cheerleading, through sports, through activites, anything we wanted.  They gave.

We graduated,  we married, Then dad, lost another child.  My middle sister.  Okay.  TWO kids.  One is enough, but now two.  But still he musters on.  And mom is his biggest champion the whole way through.  This is in 1988.  All this time, he’s dealt with us kids all the time, with us, having problems in HS, problems in college, our problems with drugs, getting in trouble, divorce, our coming home, moving out, moving in, and just loved us in spite of ourselves.  Dad is amazing.  We’ve had kids of our own, we’ve had homes of our own.  And still Dad is alwasy there. 

Then in 1988.  Life changes forever for dad a second time.  Melanie is taken from us.  Dad moves on.  lives his life.  keeps going and musters on.  He’s always there for me and my oldest sister.  We are all that’s left of the kids.  Although he’s hard, he’s there for us, no matter what.  He never leaves our sides.  Although at times, we think he does.

Then his dad dies in 1993, mom is in the hospital diagnosed with kidney cancer and then dies the next January.  And he still muddles on.  Then my husband is diagnosed with cancer in August of 94.  And still he muddles on.

Kids of kids get married, have babies, move on, move out, move in, move home.  And still he muddles on.

Dad is the best!  I’ve seen people with lives like this that would break under all the pressure.  I did.  And yes dad has shut things out, and gotten hard, but for the most part, dad is funny, and is good to us!  He is a great dad!  

I love you Dad.  I thank you Dad!  I can never give back to you, everything you’ve ever given to us in our life, but I thank you for everything.  Big and small.  And I hope that we have so many more years, and I pray that whatever years we have left can only be the best years of your life!!

Spring Break

Spring Break Vacation! just the words, bring about excitement! But then add in the fact that you are going with a 7, 6, 5, 4 and 2 year old, and boy the excitement level just rises 100%!!!

For weeks all I would hear was “when is spring break”
And then the week before we left, “how many more sleeps”

Gosh, how I love that innocence.

We had the best time! We didn’t really do anything either. We went to my sister’s time share, and went to an indoor waterpark the 2nd day we were there, then after that, we just hung out.

We had beautiful weather. The girls and boy, were just great and had great attitudes. They had a clubhouse, went hiking, swimming, went to the playground. They went to the beach, and who knows what else!!!

I love vacation with the kids, because I learn so much.

I learned that no matter what, popcorn for supper isn’t going to kill them, nor will jello for breakfast!

But pancakes are the best!! no matter what time of day it is!

I learned that “the little girls” cramp “the big girls” style when “the big girls” just don’t want them around.

I learned that the 5 of them can be no better protectors of each other when one of them is sad because they are too short to go down the medium slide, even if  ”I’m a year older than her, and it’s not fair”

I learned that a clubhouse CAN be made on the stairs.

I learned that a hot tub, can be a very scary thing to a 2 year old, even if it isn’t on.

I learned that sometimes, just sitting in the dirt and digging with your fingers can be a lot of fun!

I’ve also learned, that is no more time I enjoy more, than being with my grandkids.

Thanks kids for another wonderful vacation!  I can’t wait till this summer and we go again.  I don’t know where we will go, and it will probably be to the condos again, and probably we will go to the waterpark, and just play in the sun, and hike in the woods, but believe, that the memories you give me, I will hold in my heart forever!  

Pinatas, Pin The Tail On The Donkey and Sleepovers

Turning 5 is such a grand thing!  While it’s not the right of passage turning 6 is, it’s still such a fantastic age.  

My precious Jazzy turned 5 yesterday.  She had her first “big girl” party.  As big as you can when you have 4 and 5 year olds there  Her best friend from school was there, and spent the night with her as did her little cousin.

Three kids 4, and two 5 year olds!   When they were told about the sleepover, all the jumping up and down and excitement that was coming out of them “YEAH!!!! LITTLE GIRL SLEEPOVER” (the big girls went to Aunt Kristen’s)

There were Pinatas, Pin The Tail On The Donkey, Painting, Snacks, Birthday Cake and Ice Cream, and Supper, and Fun!!!

Jazzy, you are so incredibly special!!!  And while I was only there for the “family part” and I had to leave because “you can’t stay for the sleepover” it’s just for 5 year olds, I hope you had the time of your life!

I cannot wait to hear about it today!  You were so beautiful in your purple dress, you had your friends, your family, you got your mirror you asked for, and your Snow White Cake and your Purple, Orange, Red and Blue Balloons, and the streamers!!!  It was a little girl’s dream come true!  You got everything you wished for!

I’m so glad I was able to share this little part of your life!  Even though I didn’t get to spend that much time with you, I enjoyed watching you, share with your friends and cousins, and had fun blowing out your candle and watching you opening your presents.

Sharing my life with you is such a pleasure and I am enjoy every second of it!

Sunday School and Growing Up

My baby has aged out of the Nursery at church!

He is officially in Toddler Sunday School.

I have to say thank you to Miss DC and Miss BH for all they do for these little children. Their gifts, of patience and tolerance, and just amazing ability to show their love at every step of the way, is such a God given gift.

While he has aged out of the nursery, he goes to Sunday School, then we are integrating him into “grown-up” church, then he goes back to the Toddler Church! 

We are so blessed to have the wonderful resources we do at our church.

Our Children’s Ministry is so blessed with the leadership and volunteers that we have.  To each and everyone of you.  I thank you!

I can never thank you enough for everything you do and for all you will do.

And of course, have to show off my “baby’s” first Sunday School craft.

Escape Artist

I have a wonderful two year old grandson.. who has been classified ~ AT CHURCH MIND YOU~ as an escape artist!!!

He goes to the nursery at church and we are slowly going to integrate him into regular church services.  However, he has only been around his sisters and cousins so we are trying to get him used to other kids first.  The process is working great, he loves the class (nursery, but we call it his classroom, so he’s not left out) and he likes the other kids and the teachers. 

Well, you need to know something about this kid.  He is for lack of a better word ~ the ball in the pinball machine, he’s that ball.  Bounces from here, to there, to everywhere, and boy is he fast!  I am unable to keep him by myself, unless I am in a very controlled environment or unless I am having a very good lung day.  He is just, simply put, too fast.

Well he has made his presence known at church.  I love our nursery workers to pieces.  They are great with the kids, and great with him.  Made him feel comfortable when we would leave him (well ~ made us feel comfortable) as he would go into his crying fits.  I want my Pepaw.  He loves his Pepaw!

Sunday at church, our wonderful, precious grandson, has been classified as an escape artist.  People were coming in from after church, and milling around the nursery door.  Ant finds his place, the door is open just a bit, and off he goes.

Pepaw comes around the corner from the sanctuary and he meets the nursery worker, chasing after Ant.  He’s gone.  Now he is comfortable in the church and loves the gym.  They find him almost there :O

I LOVE this kid!!  He knew what he wanted and went after it.  My grandson, the escape artist.

The nursery worker told us, she has never had a kid escape. 

It wouldn’t surprise me if they install a velcro wall soon!!

My Grandson, Mr. Ant-Man Himself